Anonymous said: Oh, for the one anon that asked about coming out with a poem-- I myself came out with a poem over facebook! I don't know if that's relevant or not, but here it is.

thanks for sharing. :)

Anonymous said: Does coming out with a poem sound too cheesy?

hell no! come out however you feel is right for you. :)

best wishes,
- Vesper

bandsandwhores said: Hi,I'm pansexual myself and as many people don't really know about pansexuality as much as bisexual when I tell people my sexuality they tell me that I've made pansexual up and tell me I'm bisexual a lot of the time it's because I can't explain what pansexual is to others so they think I'm lying,would you mind giving me a description on what pansexual is and how it's different to bisexual so more of my friends/family and people around me understand my sexuality Thankyou xxxx


perhaps the first half of this post will help you? although my personal definition of bisexuality is now a tad different. either way, what my response to that ask still explains the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality.

it’s worth noting, however, that some people will continue to not understand what pansexuality is and will continue to insist that you are making things up or are bisexual regardless of how much you try to make them understand. it may be better to just ignore them. as much as what they say or believe may bother you, in the end it doesn’t really matter what they believe, does it?

anyway, hope this helps…

- Vesper

Anonymous said: Hey the anon that feels like a freak.I start seeing someone next Wednesday. I'm tired of not allowing myself to get close that way. I'm scared to talk about my past but looking forward to being able to move forward and not being scared of love.

hello anon,

thank you so much for the message. hopefully the other anon sees it. :)

i sincerely wish you both the best. <3

- Vesper

Anonymous said: So I have a long term boyfriend, but I've recently become aware that I'm pansexual, I haven't come out yet and I'm scared to do so as 1. I go to church 2. I have a long term boyfriend 3. It's a scary thing to do, any advice??

well, first of all, do you want to come out? if the answer is “yes”, bear in mind that you don’t have to come out now. in fact, my advice would be to hold off on coming out until you are ready.

coming out is a scary thing for most people, but i totally understand how much scarier it can be when you are in a long-term, committed relationship. i was in that situation once. the perfect time to tell your boyfriend (or any of the important people in your life) may or may not ever come. that said, at least you can wait until you are more confident in who you are and are more prepared to answer the questions that your boyfriend will have and to handle whatever the outcome of coming out may be.

i can’t comment on the church part of what you said as i’m not religious, but just remember that as scary as the situation is, you are in control. take the time you need to come out, if you choose to do so. once you do, you and your boyfriend can work things out together. you won’t be alone.

sorry i don’t have better advice than that. :/ wishing you the best.

- Vesper

Anonymous said: So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I know that I would date a guy regardless of bisexual, transgender, inter-sexual, cross-dresser (ect...) And, I know that I like people based on their personalities. However, in my past experience, I have only had romantic feelings for guys, granted I have only had four romantic feelings. And, I do find many women attractive however, I do not know if I would be with one romantically since I've not yet gone through that experience. Your opinion?

there is a lot wrong with some of the things you’ve said, but i will try to ignore that in favor of simply answering your question.

attraction is not limited to sexual and romantic attraction. other forms of attraction include aesthetic, sensual and platonic attraction. see this post.

without knowing your gender it’s hard for me to be specific, but it is totally possible to be romantically attracted only towards males but experience other form(s) of attraction towards more than just males.

romantic attraction labels include: heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, polyromantic, aromantic, lithromantic and more. these are often combined with other labels (for example “heteroromantic pansexual”) to describe one’s sexuality.

similar labels are used for aesthetic, sensual (and platonic) attraction, but are less common.

either way, known that you’re not alone in not experiencing attraction the same way towards all genders. :)

- Vesper

For the anon that asked about gender blindness, here is a video I posted to our YouTube channel about the subject. I hope this helps.

Anonymous said: I have been having trouble figuring out my sexual orientation. I think I might identify closest with pansexuality, but it doesn't feel exactly right. I don't feel 'gender-blind.' I feel like a better description for me is that i experience attraction not based on gender, which I think is a little different than the typical definition of pansexuality? The thing is I seem to have a strong sexual preference for men and a romantic preference for women, so I don't know if this is the right label.

I’ve never agreed with the term gender-blind, I’ve always thought it was silly and useless. It is okay to have certain preferences, though. It’s your sexuality! Embrace it. :)

Anonymous said: I feel like a freak really I'm 27 and never had sex I also never been kissed I don't feel asexual because I find all gender and even those who don't feel either beautiful but as a child I was "touched"so I'm scared to be hurt and scared to love

Please, seek a counselor to help you through this if you were touched inappropriately as a child. You’re not, however, a freak for not having had sex.

Anonymous said: I feel like I could be pansexual, because I could see myself dating anybody I cared enough about, but the only people I've ever dated/had a crush on were boys? Do you think this makes me pansexual, or "heteroflexible" or just heterosexual?

it’s hard to say. personally, i don’t care for the term “heteroflexible” because, to me, it erases multisexual identity in favor of an alliance with heterosexuality. that aside…

perhaps you are pansexual, but have a preference? which isn’t uncommon. or perhaps you have mixed orientations. perhaps you’re heterosexual (sexually attracted to people whose gender differs from yours) and panromantic (emotionally/romantically attracted to people of any gender) or the other way around (pansexual heteroromantic).

you’ll probably have to do a lot of soul searching and reflection on things to find the answer to your question, but i’m sure you’ll find it in time.

sorry i can’t help more.

- Vesper